Monkey See

Have you ever stopped to think about how closely related to primates we are? I have. We’re about two strands of DNA (in certain cases even less) away from eating our own poop and picking bugs out of our co-workers hair.

In the spirit of this blog, I’d like to coin a new term. For those people who exhibit a few too many baboon-like traits, may I offer you, the “mankeys”. Don’t tell me you don’t know these people. On more than one occasion I have been one. A person goes mankey when they forget the “civilized” part of being human and act on pure animal instincts instead. Dealing with Sprint’s customer service line will do that to you. I’ve started screeching at the phone so loud that my wife had to coax me away from it using a banana and a National Geographic with a picture of a female ape on the front. Not a pretty picture.

Could monkeys ever rule the world ala Planet of the Apes? I’ve often pondered that. I say no, and only because primates, for the most part, show no real ambitions in life other than to scratch themselves, eat, and look for females. Or, in other words, act like a single man. I don’t think monkeys were put in cages in zoos. I believe the zoos built the cages around them and they just don’t give a damn.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have absolutely no inhibitions what so ever? To just spend all day, hanging from a tree, throwing shit at passing pedestrians? Sure, the bright red ass could get on your nerves once in a while. I’m also assuming the taste of fleas isn’t the best. But one day, that will be my life. So if you see a naked, pale man tumble by with poop in one hand and a national geographic in the other, hooting like there’s no tomorrow, don’t panic. Just know that Dan Trosdahl went mankey for life.

*D.S. Trosdahl~~