There's something about Barry

Sorry, I saw this news article and had to comment.

Mall wants Manilow music to drive out unruly teens
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090303/ap_on_fe_st/as_odd_new_zealand_mall_rats

WELLINGTON, New Zealand – It'll be Barry Manilow versus the mall rats. The New Zealand city of Christchurch hopes that putting the American crooner's smooth and gentle tones into the mix of music to be broadcast through the central mall district can pacify unruly teens who congregate there_ or at least convince them to go elsewhere.

DT: I believe it will have the opposite effect. Unruly teens will riot at the GAP.

"The intention is to change the environment in a positive way ... so nobody feels threatened or intimidated," Central City Business Association manager Paul Lonsdale told The Associated Press. "I did not say Barry Manilow is a weapon of mass destruction."

DT: That's exactly what you're saying and I totally agree with you.

A group of several dozen young people regularly spread rubbish, spray graffiti, get intoxicated, use drugs, swear and intimidate patrons at the outdoor mall, he said.

DT: Why not be kind and considerate to the several thousand non-unruly young people and just tear gas the mall? I for one would take tear gas to the face then Manilow to the ears.

The city council, police and local property owners covering 410 businesses agree that "nice, easy listening" music like Manilow's "Can't Smile Without You," "Mandy" and other hits might change the behavior of loitering teens.

DT: Profits will go down as mall patrons slowly nod off between Sam Goody and Barnes and Noble.

But one 16-year-old told The Press newspaper that unfashionable music wouldn't deter them. "We would just bring a stereo and play it louder," Emma Belcher said.

DT: Oh god, double the Barry?

Lonsdale countered that the city would then hit them with anti-noise laws.

DT: Touche Douche! That'll learn 'em! So where a loitering ticket would not dissuade them, anti-noise would?

All Dogs go to heaven. Then they eat shit.

Dogs love to eat things. I believe this is one of their top traits. Although it probably falls behind their tendency to sniff other dogs' asses and licking their own private regions but ahead of leg humping and rolling in shit. The thing about dogs is they don't really care what they eat, just as long as they eat. There is no distinction between what is edible and what is not edible. And what can be eaten and what should not be eaten and how much should be eaten.

Examples of non-edible objects:
flip flops, misc plastic wrappers on the sidewalk, head from a Jesus statue (I'm serious, this happened).

Examples of edible objects that should not be eaten:
cat crap, berries from some random tree, puke, garbage from the kitchen.

This leads into my next point about grass. I think somewhere way back in the evolutionary chain, a great dane and a Holstein mated. This would explain dogs affection for grass. I know dogs eat grass because it helps soothe an upset stomach. I understand this. However my dogs will eat it to the point where they either hurl or tufts start growing from their sphincter. It's very disturbing watching a dog rotate around in circles trying to pull grass from their ass. And yet, somewhat entertaining.

At least they don't get hairballs. And they clean up their own puke...