Monday, September 12, 2005

It’s Liquid. It’s Ice. It’s crap!


I’m sure that all of you have been exposed to those inane Ice Breakers commercials. You know the ones I’m talking about. If you don’t because you’ve been self deprecating yourself from television, here’s a recap of the two commercials I’m talking about.

First up are Jessica Simpson and her snotty sister Ashely. The pair is staying at a plush resort with Ashely sucking on said Ice Breakers. The entire time Jessica is rambling on about it being “liquid or ice?” Now, I’ll stare at Jessica Simpson as long as the next man. But her whiny voice begins to drain on me after a while. Is Nick Lachey an incredibly lucky man or is he a man crying for help?

The next commercial features two sisters who should not be on TV. At all. Period. They are Hillary Duff and her sister Haylie. One has the voice of a donkey; the other has its face. They are staying at a swank hotel arguing over whether Ice Breakers are liquid or ice. This is the kind of argument your kids have in the back seat about whose game boy is whose. It takes about three seconds for this to become unbearable causing the father to swerve violently off the road and shout every foul-mouthed word he can think of.

My biggest fear is that the Judds will reunite and write a song about which one it is, liquid or ice. For the love of God, please stop this madness from spreading! Have a tic-tac instead.

*D.S. Trosdahl~~

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