Anal Probes down; Alien tourism on the decline

The number of alien sightings in our country has dropped well below the national average the past several years. Some fear gas prices in Alpha Centuri have caused lower interstellar travel. Others claim the instability in the Middle East have kept many aliens away. But I know the true reason… Aliens have already learned enough about us and are bored.

How sad is that? Human beings have been around for at least 10,000 years (depending on your various religious affiliations) developing different cultures, literature, and art. And in about sixty years of anal probing, extraterrestrial life is done with us. I for one feel violated.

What does that mean to me? Well, it makes me think we’re the Steve Eurkel of the galaxy; the George W. of politics, if you will. Earth is like that guy at work that you are forced to invite to your party, because you invited everyone else. But he’s uninteresting and no one has anything in common with him, so they choose to ignore him. Yeah, that’s us.

So the question is; what can we do? Well, for starters, most people who get abducted by aliens are unshaven, unshod, redneck hillbillies. It actually surprises me slightly that aliens kept coming back to anal probe these people for six decades. So I say we need to give them someone new, fun, and interesting to study. Rachel McAdams should be probed. There are others, but I won’t name them here as my wife may decide to scalp me and sell the top of my head on E-Bay, but you get the picture. Even if we can give them someone whose most recent shower was not a drizzle last week, perhaps we can generate new interest in our species.

We have an Earth Day, why not a Mars Day? Let everyone dress up as their favorite off-worlder (I’ve always been partial to Alf), show some Alien pride. Let’s not have a parade however. People may get confused as to which Pride Day they are at…

I mentioned in a previous blog that I would like to speed up our technological advances. What better way then ask species who fly through space on a daily basis? So put on that old E.T. t-shirt that’s getting moldy in your attic, put on that tin foil hat (as in Signs), and let’s phone home!

*D.S. Trosdahl~~