Please try this at home

Okay, so I've been out awhile. I know all my writing fans out there (all two of them) have been disappointed with the long wait. Call it a Turkey Day hangover. But it gave me plenty of time to think of something that has really bothered me over the past couple of months. Commercials.

The commercials I'm thinking of involve automobiles. There are two in particular that make me want to find the creative genius behind them, and strangle him with a stero cord.

The first commercial, I think is Ford (it could be Chevy, either way, its asinine), involves a lengthy explanation of how strong the bolts that hold the bed of the pickup to its body or something, I generally start to lose interest and fade in-and-out of consciousness when I realize which ad is on. Then the truck is hoisted, ass end up, by a crane attached by just one of those bolts. Impressive. But then the most annoying thing happens. A little scientist-looking dude seems to step underneath the truck, hanging by a cord. First off, you can tell he isn't directly under it, he's actually standing behind it (Ford/Chevy isn't about to risk an impressive lawsuit over this commercial). Secondly, a little message pops up at the bottom of the screen that informs you, the home viewer, who are most likely middle to lower class, not to try this at home. Let that sink in for a second. Okay, are you officially dumbed down? Like who in the living Christ has a goddamn crane sitting in his garage? Not on a $1000 a month mortgage you don't.

The second commercial is one for Jeep. This one literally makes me pull my hair out. My wife will ask what I'm doing and I'll tell her I couldn't help it, the commercial and all. She just smiles and makes a mental note to up my meds. Anyhow, this commercial simply involves a jeep supposedly driving at the bottom of the ocean. The kids in the back seat stare out through the sun roof pointing out which sharks and fish are their favorites. The Jeep emerges and another one of those messages appears. It says something about "Dramitization, Jeep is not used for this kind of activity, do not try at home".

Why do we even have these messages on either commercial? This fact has been stated about stupid, lawsuit driven messages before, but I will restate in one word. Darwin. Let’s let Darwin have his way. We’ll be better off without these people. And maybe, just maybe, the writers behind these heinous commercials will have a truck drop on their collective heads while standing at the ocean floor, ridding us of stupid car commercials once and for all. Amen.

*D.S. Trosdahl~~