Don't Squeeze the Charmin

What the hell is with toilet paper. In 2005 we can't come up with an easy way of getting that first sheet? Do we need different colored t.p.? Could Charmin please find a better ad campaign? To start with, let's go somewhere no one wants to go, a Dan scenerio.

I'm sitting on the toilet, look over and realize that my wife has used up all the t.p. I curse a couple of times and hobble over to get a new roll. I hobble back and have to stare at it for several moments while I try to figure out where the "beginning" is. That's really the key, which sheet is the official "beginning". Frustrated I choose a sheet to be the "beginning". Now's the part where I get several levels of sheets and so I'm not sure which is the "beginning". I generally swear again, and take an entire wad and go from there.

Too graphic? Tell that to Charmin. And while your at it, what the f@ck is with those Charmin bear commercials by the way? I don't want to imagine the shit that is created by a cartoon bear that size. I also don't want to see that disgusting look of satsifaction after it uses Charmin toilet paper. Ugh.

If you are already in the Charmin office complaining about the first two points (good for you, I didn't realize this blog had that kind of power over you) let them know we don't want black toilet paper. Apparently black toilet paper is the rage in Japan. There's a lot of things wrong with this idea, but in the appearance of good taste (ha! not in this blog), I shall refrain from naming them and allow you to draw your own conclusions.

Man, after this post I feel dirty. I'm going for a shower.

*D.S. Trosdahl~~